What is a lie?
We have included this as an Essential Question because we believe it is important to take responsibility for the results of our actions. Presenting false impressions can be a source of conflict. For some, it can become an endless river of gas feeding flames of conflict draining the parties involved for years or even decades. It takes new lies to keep the old lies fresh.
Why do we lie? We often fear being judged or being put in a position where we have to justify our decisions, behaviors and comments. Remember a time when we created an impression based on information that was incomplete, reorganized or removed to change the paradigm in the head of the person with whom we were speaking with at the time?
What is a lie? We define a lie as presenting any other paradigm, regardless of how minimal the difference, than the one we believe to be true. How is information deleted, removed, reorganized to change the paradigm? How are elements of time manipulated? While these are only a few ways to manipulate the truth, it is important to investigate what our parents and extended family socialized us to believe is the truth.
Does truth mean the entire story? If details, insignificant or not, are left out, has a lie been told? Examine the definition of a lie, above, and determine whether the closest people in our lives view it the same way. If not, why? How does each person’s understanding of truth impact the amount of conflict they create for themselves, internalize from the outside world, and regurgitate back into the playing field from which we work, live and spend our free time?
So, why do we lie? We often lie because we don’t want conflict, we don’t want to be judged nor have our desires evaluated. We don’t want to feel like we have to convince the other person that our choices are appropriate. We do not want to spend the time, effort or work to make communication effective, often because we were never taught the skills. We don’t want guilt, more confrontation, frustration and disagreement. We don’t want conflict.
Both truth telling and lying are always about choice. One chooses to own the consequences and ripple effect that result from a false word, thought or behavior. Even if we do not want to be judged or have to justify our legitimate feelings to each other, we still make a choice when asked to tell the truth or when we are expected to fill in the details. Each conscious thought, spoken word and behavior is ultimately our own to choose and live.
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