Dave Gerber Speaks - The King of Conflict Newsletter

Top 10 December Considerations for Reducing Conflict and Stress

 

10)  Provide non-judgmental spaces for people to share issues, concerns or conflicts...often, people need a little more support during these times.

9)  Be an active listener and try to give people your utmost attention -- you get clarity and build the relationship.

8)  Understand your own needs, the top 2 priorities of your boss and the needs of your family and friends -- a lot to juggle

7)  Be sure to give yourself some "cave" time...reflection is good and silence is not dead air, it is time to connect with the self.

6)  Stream-line the ego

 

5)  “Give and Ask, don’t Take and Tell” – Dave Gerber

 

4)  Think interest-based:  Consider other people’s needs and underlying interests

 

3)  Improve our personal “state creation,” or the ability to bring about a new emotion on command – Avoid getting emotionally hijacked

 

2)  “Prioritize the most important aspects of your life first, the others will find their way like sand filling a bucket of stones” – Dave Gerber

 

1)   Get started on food and exercise resolutions early, that way there won’t be as much pressure after the first of the year because you are already in it!

 

Dave Gerber ©2009

Transformation

 

You walk in and are transformed to a relaxing place with white marble floors, statues, art, smooth paint colors.  Then, you are greeted by young professionals looking supportive, ready to help solve one of many great struggles, lack of sleep.

 

So what does this have to do with leadership!?  If we can’t sleep, we can’t recharge. If we don’t recharge, we can’t think straight.  If we can’t think straight, we can’t achieve excellence.  Without excellence, why would people want to follow us and help execute.

 

                                    No sleep = Poor Leadership

 

My story is simple, I always snored.  But, what did happen was a diagnosis of Grave’s Disease which put me on a course towards Thyroid removal and quarantine for 3 days…the quiet might have been the best part.  Among other symptoms was weight gain (I didn’t have a thyroid to metabolize the now packed on, 30 lbs)…hence the enlarging of the throat, greatly reduced breathing/oxygen and, no sleep.

 

I’m sharing these details for a reason.  I’m hoping to inspire at least one leader to move forward on their sleep issue(s).  They told me that of the seven hours I was “sleeping” I got only one hour of real sleep.  If this is happening to you, tossing and turning, gasping for air, waking up several times in the night, not feeling refreshed, sleeping/napping at inappropriate times or when given any opportunity…you might have sleep apnea and I would encourage you get it checked.  [For anyone fearing a sleep study, don’t, I felt like I went into a hotel.]

 

1^st Class Sleep Study was just that, top notch.  After a second sleep study that was customized for me, I feel like a champ…Imagine how our leadership capacity can grow exponentially when we can get some number of hours that is closer to “normal.” 

 

If we are willing to consider training, a 360 degree assessment, coaching and other professional development initiatives, why not assess sleep and it’s impact on our overall well being.  And, by the way, our personal life gets better…increased tolerance level, increased problem solving, reduce anxiety and stress…every aspect of this is positive.

Sleep Well, Lead Better

Dave

David Gerber, President of Synergy Development and Training

www.synergydt.com

Getting Reconnected!!

Hey Everyone!!

So sorry that I haven't had a post in a while...my focus has been on the newsletter that is put out every month.  Please send me your email address and I will put you on the list...August edition is coming out very soon!

Best regards,
Dave

Top 10 and Case Study

Today's Conflict Top 10 actions when spotting negative verbal or physical behaviors in the workplace:
 
10) Remember that in the moment, there is often a distinction between one's intention and one's behavior. 
 
9) Remember that people who get "Emotionally Hijacked" can not effectively manage emotions or process information for a minimum of 15-18 minutes (maybe up to a few hours) so select a time to meet later to discuss.
 
8) Move slowly and use the "W.A.I.T. Principle" when you hear something you don't like --- W.A.I.T. = Why Am I Talking...am I talking to defend, defy, justify, argue, problem solve?  Use silence more effectively.
 
7) Be careful when using humor; it may backfire -- Sarcasm can rarely be used successfully in the workplace and is usually an inappropriate response.
 
6)  Understand your default response to conflict. According to Thomas Kilman, avoid your negative default reactions and take the time to choose better responses.
 

[Please visit www.synergydt.com/newsletter1  to read the rest of the top 10.]
  
  

$300-500 Billion dollars is wasted every year on conflict that goes unmanaged.

 
 
  
Case Study
 
Synergy Development & Training recently worked with a billion dollar organization.  One of the initiatives we developed was to help a C-suite executive that was burning bridges at every turn.  He was not aware of or using his emotional intelligence, he managed with fear and relied on poor interpersonal skills that were ineffective and, in fact, pushed his negativity through several silos and across all organizational boundaries.  Morale was low and the negativity was becoming contagious...something had to be done to stop this drain and reverse the process.

Following a leadership 360 survey, six months of executive coaching and mediation dealing with a tough relationship with a negative history, this leader completely turned it around.  Actually, colleagues and superiors told this individual that his changes were amazing and his ability to lead effectively was magnified.  It was striking to see the difference in the way he carried himself, not to mention the relationships he was able to mend on his own. More significantly, the organization has benefited from the positive ripple effects.  Attendance, morale and employee productivity have all risen under this "new-found" leader.  

One specific nugget this leader gleaned  was the discovery of how to change course from a failing path of intimidation and what some might consider brute force. Through a thorough assessment and targeted coaching, he quickly abandoned many of the bad habits he had carried on his back for most of his professional career. Understanding how to come across more effectively, combined with a refreshed attitude toward work and the people around him unlocked his internal power to make these professional changes on quickly and rather easily.  Understanding how his reality matched up with others, combined with a new attitude and a professional guide, he became clear about creating a new path - as he said, "this came directly from coaching."  This coach created a non-judgmental, confidential opportunity to face real challenges and overcome the most significant professional (and personal) obstacles.
 
Coaching was rated by highly regarded HR magazines last year as one of the top four most valuable professional development initiatives.  From my experience, I would say it is #1.  Countless leaders have been able to make adjustments for themselves and the way they lead others.  Leaders that are able to embrace and accept the concept of a coach as an added benefit can and should view it an award the organization only provides to those it considers highly valuable.   It is coaching that continues to provide added value to individuals, teams and the bottom line.

---

Let's face it, in these tough times, we can not allow ourselves to get burned out, we must take action - and just being strong doesn't count.  Caring management doesn't cut it and hope is not a method.  Both leaders and employees need skills that are viable, valuable and actionable immediately. We need skills that can make a real difference in the way we work together.
 
More shifts will happen.  We need to create value and build conflict management and effective negotiation skills into the fabric of our work culture.  These two skills are required on a moment-to-moment basis in every organization around the world...conflict is the only constant.  
 
Thank you for staying connected and working with me to prevent, manage and resolve conflict everyday! With that in mind; please share what you are doing to improve your work environment. I would love to hear about your experiences, successes and failures with your peers, seniors and subordinates. We can all learn from one another. We promise the highest level of confidentially and will never use specific names without permission.


Best Regards,

Dave

 

Top 10 Things to Remember When Coaching

10)  Follow the client's agenda

9) Start the session with something like, "what do you want to accomplish today and how do you know you we will have been effective when we are finished?"

8) Remember to stay in their story, not yours...if you hear yourself saying "I" you probably are in your own story.

7)  Try to remain in third level listening, global listening where you can connect their speech back to their conversation objectives and long term goals.

6)  Do not work harder than the client.

5)  Remember to "offer" a thought rather than give...seek permission.

4)  If something is uncomfortable, go one step further before backing off.

3)  Remember that coaching is asking questions and consulting is giving answers.

2)  Be future based and only use the past to support changes for the future.

1)  The client, fundementally, has the correct answer within them!

copyright 2008 Dave Gerber

Top 10 Ways to Know a Co-worker is under a great deal of stress

How to really tell if someone is stressed?

1)     They have trouble making easy decisions

2)     They experience mood swings in the same day

3)     Their conversations seem to fixate or cycle back to the same theme/topic

4)     They talk about trouble sleeping, focusing or maintaining their regular habits

5)      Small issues become large very quickly

6)      They are emotional hijacked

7)      Their predominant mood appears or is ‘stressed out’

8)    They suffer a lack of productivity

9)      They seem argumentative or withdrawn

10)  They intuitively know their ‘normal’ energy is different

©2008 Dave Gerber

How can we identify potential problems based on conflict, address them by applying useful tools, and then obtain the outcome we desire?

One of the best concepts found in the PMBOK Guide is one of the simplest. The framework of using Inputs, Tools and Techniques and Outputs to move from start to finish is both clear and useful. We offer a variation on that theme using the same model for identifying problems (Inputs), methods to address them (Tools and Techniques) and achieving desired results (Outputs).

Juxtaposed against the F.A.C.T.S. model, this creates a matrix and a unique and useful way to view the principal factors of conflict in following an accepted project management approach.

The problems and challenges for the project manager that arise from Fear, Anger, Control, Trust and Synergy issues are many and varied, which we will discuss as the central themes to this book.

Fear, what Dorothy Thompson called “the most destructive element in the human mind,” manifests itself in a number of ways (Inputs). We fear insecurity, our own inexperience, and perhaps even our own incompetence or ignorance in a specific area. We fear a lack of “top cover” when we make a mistake and we may even fear success! By asking questions, learning as we perform, adjusting as needed, seeking the counsel of those around us and managing our emotional reaction to our fears, (Tools and Techniques), we can create the positive results we want and need.  These results, (Outputs), include new confidence, independence, improved self-image, some level of expertise, and a more rational thinker.

Anger stemming from past offenses, long held grudges, frustration, immaturity or some other pain are all inputs that can be addressed with proper tools and techniques.  Personal growth, learning to forgive and forget while accepting our own failures, can hasten our achievement of the desired output. Applied properly, these techniques can lead to a calmer, cooler and more relaxed version of ourselves. We will think more clearly, improve our ability to reason and “lengthen our fuse” so we are slower to anger in the future.

Typical Control issues plague us in several ways. Our relative position on the organization chart, our age (too young or too old) our time with the organization itself, and our apparent inability to influence leaders, open us to more opportunities to have to face conflict head on. Often, control issues are overcome with time.  As we grow into the job, our influence widens and our credibility increases.  We will build relationships, expand our network, and become better communicators with experience. The outputs we will then enjoy include the ability (and willingness) to accept more risk, work more efficiently and be more trusting while focusing on the needs of those around us.

The lack of Trust is manifested in even more obvious ways. These inputs might be low self-esteem, operating based on fear, hoarding information, working alone when teamwork is clearly optimal and an unwillingness to take others into one’s confidence or inner circle. To overcome these obstacles, we must learn to delegate and accept the risk of the failure of others.  This requires that we take the time to train, coach and mentor as necessary. The outputs we hope to realize include an exponentially increased presence in the enterprise – because we have “extended our reach” by building trusting relationships with others. 

Finally, problems caused by the absence of Synergy, especially within the structure of project teams, will bring unwanted and often unforeseen problems.  Poor integration, inadequate processes and procedures, stove-piping, poor collaboration, and even a substandard cross-training policy can lead to synergistic nightmares.  We can apply training, team building exercises, and a more appropriate structure and organization. Synergy brings about efficiency and “smoothness” to work flow that is difficult to describe but understood by most managers. Accountability is properly distributed, the chain of supervision is made clear and conflict is dealt with properly and promptly.      

©2008 Dave Gerber and Dave Maurer – Extracted from their book “Are You a King or Queen of Conflict…in Project Management?” found at www.kingorqueenbooks.com (coming soon.)

“A project is complete when it starts working for you, rather than you working for it.”

-Scott Allen

What are the Project Management basic skills I should learn and master to avoid basic conflicts?

Familiarity with or knowledge in the following areas of interest within the discipline of Project Management are important to achieving success as a project manager:

• Identification and definition of a project
• Development of specified and implied requirements
• Development of specified and implied tasks
• Work Breakdown Structures (WBS)
• Earned Value Management (EVM)
• Development of milestones and timelines
• Development of integrated schedules
• Network Diagrams
• Critical Path Method (CPM)
• Program Evaluation and Review Techniques (PERT)
• Activity sequencing
• Progress tracking
• Project management tools (Gantt charts, software, formulas, templates, etc.)
• Team development
• Team building
• Stakeholder management
• Conflict management and resolution
• Cost estimating/planning
• Managing to a budget
• Role of the team leader or project manager
• Role of the team member
• Anticipating and managing change
• Dealing with uncertainty
• Dealing with unpredictability
• Risk identification and management
• Procurement document types (types of contracts)
• Development and use of a Lessons Learned database
• Core Documents (Project Charters,

  Mission

  Need Statements, Project Management Plans, Quality Control Plans, etc.)
• The 5 Process Groups of a project (Initiating, Planning, Executing, Controlling and Closing)
• The 9 Knowledge Areas of project management (IAW the Project Management Body of Knowledge…Integration,  Scope, Time, Cost, Quality, Human Resources, Communications, Risk, and Procurement)
• Conflict fluency related to the 5 phases and 9 Knowledge Areas

Anyone in nearly any position can conceivably be called upon to be a project team member or even lead a project.  Therefore, all professionals should be exposed to the principles and tenets of project management as it is used in industry and government.  Without a fundamental understanding of the above listed issues, project managers are bound to run into basic conflicts that could be avoided and have a better understanding of how to comprehensively address larger conflict issues.

©2008 Dave Gerber and Dave Maurer – Extracted from “Are You a King or Queen of Conflict…in Project Management?

5 Questions and Answers about Training

1. What are common mistakes CEOs make when approaching employee training?

o        Not doing it enough for the company, i.e. undervaluing the ROI

o        Not doing it enough for their own executive team

o        Only seeing professional development from their perspective, especially if he/she does not value it personally

o        Not spending time doing training on conflict management issues

o        Not understanding that Professional Development training is in the top 10 for reasons people enjoy and stay at their job

o        Not using an appreciative inquiry model to find out what the employees believe is the real problem or what the training should focus on

o        Not doing personal investigation into the company that will be delivering

o        Unrealistic expectations.

o        Thinking of training as an ‘extra’ – history has shown us that regardless of financial times, we still need to train employees interpersonal and technically

o        Not listening or valuing HR’s opinion enough when designing the long-term training plan

o        Thinking that one or two training days is going to correct or prevent major or consistent problems

o        Having champagne dreams on a beer budget

2. What should CEOs expect as a return on investment for training?

o        A stress free relationship where the training company reduces drag for the CEO’s organization by exceeding deadlines and expectations while modeling positive behavior

o        A tangible tool and/or skill set that is reproducible immediately upon completion of the training

o        Customization for their specific company and industry

o        Employees walk away motivated and energized

o        Employees have fun while learning and spending time together

o        High levels of knowledge transfer using innovative methodologies

o        Employees are accountable for applying the new information

3. What should they not expect?

o        Quick, instant fixes

o        That everyone will “get it” or use it

o        Results without incorporating evaluation and accountability of some kind

o        Targeted training will take care of other problems

o        That everyone will attend the training (excuses)

o        That everyone will agree with objectives, delivery, style or propose of the training…do it anyway.

4. Besides the tangible bottom line results, what other benefits can you expect from implementing a sales program?

• Increased motivation, retention, related success, direction, mission, purpose, infrastructure, mentoring, contact management system, increased revenue brings increased freedom, increased connections, increased corporate giving, increased

5. What advice would you give to a CEO who was looking to implement or revamp a training program?

o        Consider a

Leadership

Academy

as or part of the infrastructure

o        Consider how the training fits into long term strategic or professional development goals

o        Get input from HR and the entire executive team, depending on the training.

o        Bring in outside help, someone that is not too close to the issue(s)

o        Think with the end in mind…back map so you ensure employees gain everything you need them to glean (what is the 5 or 10 year plan?)

o        Make sure the people who are selling the training are also teaching and/or writing the curriculum

o        Get someone that understands both curriculum design and training delivery.

o        Don’t use the economy as an excuse not to implement, your competition won’t

o        The sooner the better

2nd Annual - 2008 On Fire Leadership Conference

[Please visit www.onfireleadership.com to learn about the conference on January 31st, in Vienna, Virginia...]

What is On Fire Leadership?

Some leaders are ON FIRE!  You can just see it in their eyes, their approach and their actions.  They come to work with a spark that sets the tone for the day or the project and we wonder, “…where do they get that energy?”  Maybe they love their work or the people on their team.  We think it’s that and much more.  It’s a mind set.  It’s a willingness to try new things, to risk more often and to learn to trust our own informed judgment and experiences.  Good leaders have that spark – GREAT leaders ignite the flame in their colleagues, subordinates, superiors and everyone around them.  An On Fire Leader is never alone - an On Fire Leader gains a following and lights the way to success!

This annual conference is your opportunity to find that spark within.  It’s in January and the start of a New Year.  What better time to resolve to learn new skills and hone those we already have?  Let this be the most important and relevant resolution for 2008 – to be the best and most effective leader you can be. 

What’s in store? Visit www.onfireleadership.com to learn more...

• Discover new tools and techniques that will instantly improve your ability to relate to others;
• Successfully conduct difficult conversations;
• Improve negotiating and communication skills;
• Understand, embrace, and use conflict
• Look at leadership principles in imaginative new ways

All leaders have their “tool kits” of tried and true processes, procedures, templates, systems and methods.  This is the chance to add to that kit, improve on the tools that work for you and learn how to use the new ones we offer.  Prepare yourself and your team for a “great ‘08” and join us for an invigorating day of learning and networking.

In this program Dave Gerber and Dave Maurer (and a guest or two) will deliver tools, strategies and more than a few laughs to keep you moving forward toward your goals.

Take YOUR leadership to the next level.  Start the Fire!!

For more details Contact Dave Gerber gerber@synergydt.com